yup. drove out to holland at 9:00 this morning, bought a futon, and am now sipping a "trad-capp" from jp's, in the one booth that has a plug. oh, and i got a parking spot right outside the front door(and for those of you who don't know, that is skill during tulip time).
pretty content right now. its a calm morning, i'm feeling good, just loving on the fact that summer is here. i'm doing pretty okay.
but then i began to wonder.
being content.
what does that really mean?
good old dictionary.com says content is... "satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else"
is that what i am right now? am i satisfied in life right now? at the moment, life is going pretty well, but does that mean i should be content about it? i mean, i could always have more...more money, better grades, more friends, a happier life in general. but at the moment, am i...content?
and moreover, is that the way i should be? is my duty in life to be satisfied? there are always things in the world that are wrong, and things i definitely should not be satisfied with. i will never be satisfied with the injustice in this world.
but i just don't feel that i can do much, does that make me apathetic?
back to dictionary.com
apathy: "absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement"
does that adequately describe my contentment right now? certainly, i feel content sitting here, and definitely don't have much passion, emotion, or excitement right now.
is that okay?
really.
is that okay???
as a Christian, should i be okay, sitting here, absent of passion, emotion, or excitement? or should i be up in arms at the injustice of the world; injustices that i am truly passionate about, but am not motivated at this moment to go solve.
is that okay?
i could justify it by saying i'm taking the morning off, i'm resting in the Lord, i'm on a mini-sabbatical, etc., but do i have to do that?
in all honesty, i don't feel the motivation to get up and justify myself.
is that okay?
i think it is. i mean, even the apostle paul talks about in philippians 4:11-13 how he learned to be content in any and every circumstance, right? its a verse i quote a lot, because its one that up until this morning in my devotion/reflection time did i find a reason to take up issue with it.
here the Word of the Lord from philippians 4:11-13
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
now don't get me wrong, i believe this is the Word of God. but(again)it was my(faulty)view of this passage that inspired such a sense of apathy. paul is not saying that he is content in the way that i am content. for me, content(up until this morning) meant that i could sit back on my laurels every now and then and focus on "me-time". paul is content in that he knows God has ordered his steps; that he is never outside the realm of the Creator. paul knows that he can rest in God and that even in prison, he will(and still) use him to speak words of truth into Christ-followers. that is very different; even if it looks the same. i thought being content meant satisfying myself; being okay with where i am. for paul however, being content means being satisfied in the Father; being okay where he is because God put him there, and knowing that at that moment, he is glorifying God because he is relying on God.
dictionary.com got it right in that sense. paul knows that he needs nothing more and nothing less than God. paul knows that his time on earth is drawing to a close, and he recognizes that all he needs is God. his friends have abandoned him, his freedom has been taken away. he has nothing.
and yet, he has Everything. and he is content about that. he is not without passion(making him apathetic), his direction for passion has just changed; it is fully focused on the God who loves him and guides him through all trials.
is that where i am?
am i okay sitting here, reflecting on the goodness of God, while not moving a step from my comfortable booth and coffee?
i am never "okay" in the sense that i can give up; stop caring. but i know, that so long as i keep my gaze on the Master, that i can be content in all things-not needing anything more. He will order my steps and tell me where to go. that is true passion-to love Him.
and so long as that is the focus, we're never truly apathetic.
in His grip,
j
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